Sunday, October 26, 2008

One Month Already? [Rant alert ! ]

I've been in Karachi for more than a month now and I don't know why my life still feels like a roller coaster ride. It's not like I wasn't expecting it ... Like all families, my family has it's own share of idiosyncrasies and issues (did I mention that I live in a joint family system? ) Combine that with a rather unstructured way everything works in Pakistan and with the fact that I've almost no friends over here. I've been having really crazy mood swings over here. Some days I'm extremely cranky and ready to snap at anybody who says anything to me, and then I start feeling guilty and become mad at myself for behaving like that. Some days I feel depressed when I think about the future, my career and etc (this can be cross-referenced with the point about my crazy family above :p) And then there are good days when I feel hopeful and optimistic and all becomes worth it.

So, I know the above description of my life sounds as if I'm suffering from bipolar depression. I've always been somewhat of an idealist and an optimistic person. There are so many things around me over here that are wrong, improper and inefficient. A lot of things are not according to my taste or liking and I keep asking myself 'How does my family live like this.' I have this continuous urge to change things, to make them better but change is hard. Especially when it's against a system that's so deeply entrenched in the daily life over here. It'll take some time ... either I'll be able to persist or maybe just give in to the system. I'm sure you must've heard the story about the frog who jumps out when you put him into a pot of boiling water. But if you put that same frog into a pot of cold water and then heat the pot until it boils, the frog stays in there and never jumps out.

Anyway, I've still kept my old job. The only difference is that now I work from the basement of my parents house, all by myself. My laptop computers, a router, a vonage phone, a cable modem and a dsl modem all sit on an old discarded dining table. My mother keeps complaining about all the wires that run all around the place and the maid manages to disturb something in there almost every time she comes in to clean the place. I havent been able to get an airconditioner installed in there because a carpenter needs to come in and create a wooden wall in there so that I could have my own little office there (everything happens very slowly here) I could go on and on about all these small ISSUES I'm having here, but I dont think I have a right to complain as the good always comes with the bad and a lot of it just needs a little bit getting used to. So I'm just going to plod on and work my way through this. I'm grateful to my friend Sam. K from Kansas City who sometimes bears with my, out of the blue phone calls and listens to my rants and my moody behavior.

btw, golf instructors are CHEAP here in Karachi. I paid Rs. 400 for one hour of instruction by a pro at the DHA golf club. Thats only slightly more expensive than a decent meal at KFC !! And I'm already hitting straighter and farther :D

5 comments:

Fariha Akhtar said...

Bipolar Depression :|..you perhaps need to get ur blood lithium levels checked :P
But chin up chin up...u'll be ok InshAllah as soon as you get used to everything over here...feeling uncomfortable after such a huge change is quiet normal :)

Rowdy Ronny said...

Arfeeeeeen ----- we've got to meet up nxt weekend, so that you cant complain about not having friends here -- I'll get Saad and Malik too, theyre trying to become strangers, just like u.

Arfeen said...

@Fariha Thanks Fariha. I think I'll take the wait and see approach and put off getting my 'ahem' blood lithium levels checked just yet :p

@RR ... Dude, I met with Malik last weekend when you ditched us as usual and YOU're SAYING that WE are being strangers? tsk tsk tsk

amna farrukh said...

i am real proud of u bhai....the way u r keeping up with all that stress....i couldnt have done that for a million bucks..(either i would have gone back by now or would hav fought with mummy n pappa every single minute)...im still not sure if you took the right decision to come back...but now that u r here...my support n good wished r with u always!!!!!

Daanish said...

Bravo,Good luck!
Faith can move mountains,love can rock souls !